Why do we fear Vulnerability?

Happy Memorial Day beautiful babes!
I’m hanging out by myself here at home while the hubby is working and Bella is playing at a friends house and that means I have had plenty of time to be inside my head. I love and often times covet my precious alone time and sure I’ve got more then enough chores and grown up shit to do around this place, but my head keeps pulling me back to the thought of  vulnerability and how bad it can suck. I am more then happy to use this blog today as some what of a journal on what vulnerability looks like for me and my life and I would freaking love if you commented and did the same when we’re all done.
To me vulnerability is about being completely raw, wide open, and exposed. Often times I would think of vulnerability as being un-safe. I learned at a very young age how to be a people pleaser. How to sort of read a person in my own way and I would recognize how I thought I should act or be in order for that person to like me. Of course what happens when you do that over and over inevitably you lose yourself right? You have ultimately became the person in which you think everyone else would like to see.
I know for me it happened without me even really knowing it, until one day it was hard for me to recognize even the most basic facts about myself, like what my favorite food was or what my favorite hobby was, or even my favorite book. My life had so easily become like a front. The older I got the better I had become at this people pleasing crap. And there were definitely times when that front saved my ass because I had many demons I was battling with and I wasn’t ready, willing, or able to take a honest look at them yet.
The problem is that even after I fought the good fight and changed my life and well being for the better I still kept a bit of that front up. What I mean is that even though I was physically and mentally healthier I still hadn’t opened wide and cut out the people pleasing cycle of fakeness, if that makes sense. I still kept my past demons and skeletons tucked safely away in my closet of comfortability.
I mean come on who the hell wants to air their dirty laundry for people to have a field day with the judgements and so on. And who cares anyway?

Listen here beautiful, this is what I’ve learned. You take your power back and find your truth and your light when you own all the past shit that you believe holds you back right here in your present life. I know for me specifically I was literally trying to get myself so far away from the Brittany I used to be that I basically dis-owned a huge part of my life story. And by doing that I gave my power and my light to everyone else. I let other people’s thoughts of me be my guiding light.  I let what others said about me be my truth. It wasnt until I finally owned every single dark and light part of my life and my story to be my truth. We all have done things. We all have been through things. We all have our own demons, even the sweetest person you’ve ever met in your life has a past, has a story. No one is exempt from life.
This being open and vulnerable thing is not going to be easy and I have a feeling this will be an ongoing daily practice I will have to do, but I am going to commit to doing just that. Especially here every Monday with you guys I will promise to be completely raw and real and open. I’m not going to waste your time with any form of fakeness, I promise to be strictly me when I’m with you and I hope you do the same.
Now go enjoy your cookouts and Memorial Day festivities and I will talk to you again next Monday beauties! (Also if you feel so inclined hit the follow button and that will give you email updates every Monday when there is a new blog post. If you have any questions at all please don’t hesitate to ask them. This is my first blog I’m brand new at this and I could use all the feedback I can get!) MUAH!