Monday, December 3, 2018

3 Ways To Become Aware Of Hidden Expectations

“I’m not in this world to live up to your expectations and you are not in this world to live up to mine.”
-Bruce Lee

Expectations ruin relationships.  They really do.  Whenever we start to put expectations onto our relationships and our loved ones we are trying to bend them to our will or hope they are reading our minds and its a form of control.  The problem is, we don’t always see it that way.  A lot of times we think, ‘It’s only fair he takes out the trash, I do everything else’ even though you never came out and asked him to actually take out the trash, it was simply expected.
Or when your birthday gets here and you happen to be a really great and thoughtful gift giver and yet when you are on the receiving end the gifts other people give you leave you feeling not so special because their gifts are not ‘up to par’ with the types of gifts you yourself would give.

What we Must realize for our own sanity, happiness and well being is that to put an exception on another human is not only unfair but its also majorly unrealistic.  Often times it will leave us feeling yucky and unhappy because us humans screw up, we also do not have the power to read minds and its simply not our jobs to ‘please’ one another.

So I put together a quick list of 3 ways to start to become more aware of whenever we’re putting out an expectation onto someone else or even when you feel as if there has been an expectation put on you and how to get out from under that as well as draw some boundaries.

1. When you find yourself getting unusually upset about something that hasn’t happened yet.  Something you may have really wanted to happen and you didn’t ask for it in the first place.  Maybe you were thinking the other person should just ‘know’ you would really have wanted this.
I think its important to remember that we set ourselves up for disappointment when we start thinking that someone should just know what we want and do it.  If it is something that truly matters to us we must not be afraid to ask for what we want and see if it’s something that is realistic for the other person to supply for us and if it is great, and if not, we may have to find another way to get our needs met.
2.  When someone gets upset with you for not doing something they thought you ‘should’ do even though you were not asked.  Also if someone thinks you ‘should’ agree with them when you do not.  Let’s keep in mind anytime the sentance starts with ‘Should’ that in and of itself is an expectation.  So when you’re found in a situation where you realize there has been an expectation put on you by someone else you can take a step back and see it for what it is.  You have done Nothing wrong.  This person has simply expected you to act or do a certain thing and since you have a mind and will of your own you reacted in your very own unique way, and that’s OK.  So then at that point you can practice clear communication and attempt to come up with a game plan where next time the other person clearly asks you and communicates with you what they want, and if it’s something you can provide, Great, and if its something your not comfortable providing then that’s when you can say No and draw a crystal clear boundary around that subject.
3. Lastly, when you embark on a journey, trip, or event and have an expected outcome in mind.  This is different from manifesting and visualization.  All of that is perfectly great to practice as long as you remember to enjoy the journey, embrace the flow of life and remember that it may not always go to your 100% liking, that’s all apart of living.

In order for us to find our Happy, Live our best Life and Enjoy the ones that we love to the fullest we must strive to drop these expectations babe.  I can attest to the fact that I have created my own misery more times then I’d care to admit by having these unrealistic and sometimes wild expectations that left me disappointed, pissed off and whining like a spoiled rotten brat that didn’t get her way in the toy store, (just keepin it real).
So I hope this list helps you to identify when those expectations pop up for you in your life and empowers you to find a new way.  A way that brings as much joy and happiness to your life as possible.

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